The Banal Biotch of Battery Park City

Y'all, this apartment has some SERIOUS issues.

Zero architectural details, heinous parquet flooring, atrocious lighting/sconces and then there is the MUTHFU&CKIN' POPCORN CEILING!!! I MEAN...this banal one-bedroom rental will only set you back a few g's...minimum...this IS Battery Park City, in Manhattan-- huntie. Get correct-ed!

The supersized furniture isn't helping the situ...this armoire has it's own zip code, Lawd and that blue beast sofa is about to make a meal out of that poor dog...but, the executrix client (CEO of her own graphic design/branding firm) downsized from a larger apartment. She's cute & chic with just the right amount of quirk and wanted a space that reflected her creative side. She also werks from home: so multi-function is a MUST. Well, WERK Biotch in that seat right there!

She wants industrial, clean-lined, and loves wood...but wants the space to feel light. There are some great pieces to play with...hello, fabulous art! & Angela Adams yellow rug, and then some not-so-great pieces...basically, everything else. OH shiot!

Check back to see what I come up with, but here's a sneak peek of some things that made the cut:

Prepare y'all-selves for some STYLE SLAPPING-- FULL ON and quick about the face!

Boudoir BACKSLAP!

Back in August, I posted about this amazing wallpaper (from Ebay!?) that was being installed in a master bedroom project I'm working on:

Here's the hand painted forest/barren-wood scene that it covered up:

OH! But then lovely was unleashed:

and:

With a dash of this shiot from ZGallerie:

And a pinch of this biotch from Horchow:

Glamour started sprouting all over this wall:

Then these ho's got slung up:

And there's ALL KINDS of 'licious happening in here now:

Yummy! And just wait until we're finished, y'all!!!

Just add Slatthult, y'all!!!

IKEA, $9.99...now shut the FU$% YOU and go peel and stick FOR YOUR LIFE!!!

Don't hate me...

Because I PAINT wood!!! In copious amounts-- all the time!!! That's right y'all...and those of you wood-o-philes might want to avert your eyes at this:

These fab chests--scored off Craigslist a few weeks ago-- will be used as nightstands in my clients' bedroom, now look like this:

This is just the primer, 'cause these gals are eventually going to be bedecked in BLACK paint, but I'm happy with how good they're taking the primer...take that primer, biotch! Take it ALL!:

And:

These ladies are getting new makeovers...how appropriate that it's fashion week here in NYC! Stay tuned for the HAWT reveal y'all!!!

Stylish trade show booth? Done.

Blume is an amazing clothing brand that offers personalized patches on everything from tshirts to burp cloths and underwear for him and her-- check out the 'licious link above!!! Created by friend & dynamo Stacey Blume, I was asked to serve up some sass & style for her booth at a recent Children's trade show. The goal: focus and unify the Blume brand into a visual and cool physical shopping experience for buyers-- all on a considered budget. Here's what went down:

These hawt vintage industrial sewing machines/tables were re-purposed as chic 'order-taking' tables in the booth. These were an awesome score, y'all, b/c not only were they FREE, but they were once in use at Stacey's family's uniform manufacturing business. After a thorough cleaning, and the machines were carefully removed, they were prepped for a spray job:

We wanted the original gray metal bases on each table, as well as one of the lamps left 'as is', so all that stuff was draped & taped off, in plastic. The table tops are some sort of formica and though cute, they needed some LIFE.

Of course that means paint those biotches RED-- oh and red just so happens to be in Blume's logo:

Remember when spraying to make even passes back and forth about 8"-12" from your surface, y'all. Look at all this yummy:

I mean...these tables are just LIVING! When paired with our industrial chairs, industrial rolling racks, c-clamp hanger displays, signage and hand-painted red stitch trim detail, the place went OFF and this happened:

I'd say style and sass has been brought-en!

This fabulous

antique side table seen here, giving y'all FULL LIFE is part of a pair scored off...say it with me y'all, CRAIGSLIST...for $180 just-the-F*CK-YOU dollas!!!

And sometimes fabulous has to be purchased & picked-up in Westport, Connecticut, then driven back to NYC to clients' house by ME in a Zipcar:

'Cause that's the kind of decorator I am. I LUV my clients & scour the tri-state area for style value! Stay tuned to see how these ladies look as nighstands in the new bedroom! I'm thinking HAWTNESS, y'all!

The Alchemical Armoires

This luscious-ness is part of a pair that was scored off Craigslist for a clients office...Craigslist callback y'all!:

Like a lot of folks, she was desperado for extra storage...I'd say these gals fit the bill! Doors! Drawers! Cubbies & Shelves- OH MY!

Problem? Chicken wire door inserts w/polyester curtain-age and heinous finish...

I'm just sayin'...lets fix that, shall we? Starting by chicken wire poly curtain removal and a gloss white paint job.

We used one coat Zinsser BIN primer and this new Advance Benjamin Moore paint that absolutely fulfilled our painting dreams!

Next, chicken wire poly curtain replacement. Mirrors, y'all! I mean...tots obvi! I made a paper template for one door insert and had my glass guy cut four mirrors. Why? Symmetry, Dollbabies! So he cut two one way, then just flipped the template over to cut the other two mirror inserts the other way...make sense? Then I used Liquid Nails adhesive to secure the mirror panels in place. And then this happened:

And this:

The room has a way to go still, but I'd say Drama-glam has been had, y'all!! Happy Friday!

Furniture F*CKFEST, y'all!

Sometimes all the good us Thrift Whores do for the community comes back to us! Like this feast I stumbled upon at a Salvation Army furniture warehouse sale. BEYOND:

And oh shiot-- Look, y'all: that betch brought her portable cart along! WERK SHOP LIVE Hunty Blue Blouse!

Look at all this LIFE:

SHUT UP MARBLE DINING TABLE!!!

And just F*CK YOU China Cabinet all chic and shiot:

REALLY?

Oh yeah, y'all...REALLY:

ANOTHER. MARBLE. TABLE. WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE???

Them. Damn that was GOOD! Happy Whoring, y'all!

Grandma or Glam?

It's no secret that I troll Craigslist for treasure...this lady was a recent find:

Some might argue that this wicker woman is just way too Grand-ma-ma, but I'm swearing by all things curlique that she's just full-on in your face, Glam!

She's just so quirky and one-of-a-kind...and just shut the FU$K you that she's a settee! That alone makes her a no-brainer. Settees, chaise lounges, some daybeds and benches are amazing pieces to have in your space b/c they're unique and versatile. We use a repurposed hospital bed as our sofa and LOVE IT!

Also, in lieu of-- or in addition to armchairs-- a killer settee makes for an awesome seating arrangement when grouped with a more typical sofa. Like I did here with this gorgeousness...the scooter in the background isn't part of the design y'all-- this space clearly isn't finished yet:

Next time y'all just so happen to stumble upon a settee that's slayin' you with style, scoop it up! Your life will be complete: TRUST!

Wallpaper LIFE...

Has been completely SERVED today with this:

Remember y'all, she started like this:

And behold how AMAZING she looks now:

And...

Obvi, there's still A LOT that has to go down with this bedroom still, but this is huge progress and it makes me sooooo happy, I just had to share!!!

Light 'em up, Cowboy!

These vintage sconces were a total score for my clients at the flea market recently:

To keep them from going too kitsch, I chose those black paper drum shades, which are just insanely chic!!! Those were purchased at Just Shades. It's one of my favorite lampshade sources, btw...by pairing a modern shade with such a cra cra lamp, it becomes more artful. A western style shade would've been too theme-y and same same. Contrast is always interesting!

Here's where the lights ended up:

I MEAN!!!???

Yes, that's a vintage velvet NYC skyline painting that is just slaying us ALL, but how amazing do these bad boys look in place?!? Note the cord covers are painted out to match the wall color. That's a quick/cheap trick that makes such a huge difference-- no one likes looking at cord dangles, esp. when you've got such cuties lighting up your wall!!! Those are available at places like Home Depot, Lowe's, etc...make sure you get the 'paintable' variety...

So, the next time y'all are on the lookout for some lighting, think about choosing something unexpected and fun. Maybe even quirky!?! Lighting is a great way to make a strong style statement that can really reflect who you are! Plus, if you ever grow tired of the look, it's an easy change...unexpected, fun and easy...just the kind of decorating that makes me happy!!!

Sizzlin' Sectional

Disclaimer: I have little love for sectionals...they're usually ugly, cumbersome and all too common. I KNOW, y'all, way betch-y of me! But then this lady came into my life: Delight:

Indulge:

Pamper:

This was a major score at only $600 shut the F$CK YOU dollars!!! She was first being considered as a sofa option for one of my clients' apartments, but we'd already found an alternate option that was divine for that space, when babygirl presented herself for so cheap. But, rather than pass up extreme value, same client wanted her for his office!!! WHAT WHAT...Decorating kismet!!! All wheels were in motion until we got to see her up close and personal...she was a little more rough around the edges...janky upholstery accessorized with some questionable stains and uncomfy foam cushions that were actually disintegrating!!!! WHAT?! Those two problems aren't impossible to rectify, but they can be costly...considering what a bargain she was. Steam cleaning was a necessity! And new foam cushion inserts weren't that costly at around $350, thanks to the good folks at Economy Foam and Futon. But a total reupholstery job...not an option here. So how do you transform an upholstered piece of furniture WITHOUT reupholstering it? PAINT IT! So this:

Becomes this:

Can

y'all

fu%kin'

believe

this????

Consider y'all-selves STYLE SLAPPED BY WAY OF A SECTIONAL!!!! DAMN! Check back later for the yummy detailed how-to info...in the meantime, happy friday!

Get yer COLOR BLOCK on!

So how DO you get your walls and ceilings to look like this?

It's actually quite simple, y'all. Here's what you'll need to make your color block dreams come true:

-painters tape in whatever width you want (I used 2") -paint in two different colors (I opted for two tones that came right out of the area rug) in whatever finish you prefer -rollers, brushes, foam brushes or whatever combo of tools you prefer to paint with

And that's IT! YES!!!

Start by painting all the edges of each wall in one of your colors. Mine was the lighter raspberry/pink. Paint in deeper than the width of your painters tape. Mine was 2", so I painted in at least 3"-4" around all of my wall edges. Like this:

And since we were working on the wall edges already in the lighter tone, we went ahead and tackled the aluminum supports on the drop ceiling:

For the first coat, we chose to carefully lift each ceiling tile and turned it clockwise, resting it atop the backsides of the supports. Or maybe it was counter-clockwise? Whateve's, y'all just want to clear the front sides of supports of all tiles, so get them up and out of the way. And actually, after this first coat on the supports-- and we were moving on to painting in our other color-- we discovered it was almost impossible to get enough paint onto a ceiling tile approaching it from below, so we just went ahead and removed the tiles from the ceiling altogether to paint them. That was a big undertaking, but painting the tiles goes so much faster when you can lay them out. But more on that later.

So, once these coats have dried, start taping all the edges of your walls. You want to tape from the absolute furthest edge of your wall and follow that edge all the way from top to bottom, left to right. You're creating a box, or frame, around the edges of each of your walls with the paint tape. So, walls that are right next to one another will have corners that are basically taped out where they meet...make sense? Sounds odd, but trust it turns out fabulous! As you tape, be sure to push out any air bubbles and run your fingers along all the sides of tape in order to be sure it's 'locked' in place. Then paint the wall in your other color. In my case, it was the darker raspberry. Like this:

Be sure to tape around any significant architectural features, like doors and windows...

Y'all will also notice that lots of the ceiling tiles are already painted here. We did remove most of the tiles from the ceiling and laid them out in order to be able to roll them with paint. It's not impossible to paint them in place, but ceiling tiles are almost like giant sponges in that they're pitted and super-duper absorbent. Lovely! It actually takes a lot of pressure to get the paint inside all the holes AND get an even coat. Witness:

Also, some of your tiles won't be able to come out easily b/c they've got sprinklers, or vents, custom cut through them, so trust that you're gonna get your chance to put your back into it and paint some tiles in place...

But, applying all that pressure from upside down, wasn't working for me, so we laid them all out to paint (apologies for the insanely DARK images below, remember, all this painting was happening inside a nightclub, where the office is...I LOVE my job!):

We ended doing about two-three coats on our walls and probably four-five coats on the ceiling tiles. Then I went back in on a ladder, once we re-installed tiles, to do detail work and any missed spots.

Once everything is dried thoroughly, carefully remove all your tape. A great trick is to pull tape slowly at a 90 degree angle as you remove it, this way if any paint seeped through, etc., the angled direction will usually keep your line rather than pulling paint up. Here's a great shot of where tape is being removed from two walls that meet and both of them have the 2" lighter toned border:

Here's more 'liscious:

I love that b/c drop ceilings are usually hung in a grid, this paint technique was that much more successful b/c it really highlights that graphic quality. By treating the walls in the same way it becomes a huge style statement for the entire room, giving it both pattern AND color. I'm absolutely SLAIN! And if any of y'all try this technique at home or wherever, please share your pics!!! Happy painting!

An artful equation...

YUMMY!

Love me some drop ceilings, y'all

One of my recent projects was the office of a club owner. The existing space came with a drop ceiling featuring amazing overheard flourescent lighting, which is ALWAYS so desirable. Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit 'what the FU&K am I gonna do with this shiot?!':

Ripping it out completely wasn't an option. So, how do you make something so atrocious become so awesome? You seek inspiration from master designers who have gone before and TURNED IT OUT. That's how. Enter David Hicks, stage right. David Hicks was an English interior decorator and designer who is legendary for his bold use of color & pattern as well as mixing vintage & modern furnishings. He was a genius and is one of my favorite designers. His son Ashley Hicks and daughter, India Hicks, clearly inherited his genes of design genius, both having their own prolific careers in the interior industry as well. That whole family was style-slapped by the universe! In fact, they're actually royalty in the UK?! I mean...

So, David Hicks & his iconic use of color was a major inspiration for my dropped ceiling dilemma:

COLOR BLOCKING!

Instead of trying to hide all that drop, I decided to feature it. Damn! And here's what I ended up with:

As y'all can see, the walls and ceilings got color blocked with two tones of this 'liscious raspberry color, taken right out of our new rugs:

I decided to highlight the graphic grid in the drop ceiling caused by the supports, by painting it out a contrast color. Then repeated that on the walls. Yummy!

And you can't really see it well here, but look very closely on the far left side of image and you can just make out the pink line on the wall:

How HAWT is this office, y'all? Thanks to the fab Kelly Marshall for the incredible pics (& Carnivale and crew at the club who made this paint treatment happen)! And this post was supposed to be about how to color block, but then I just got cra and had to share all the AFTER shots to help illustrate what a bold, interesting paint technique can do to a room, even WITH some janky drop ceiling! But, check back soon for the actual how-to on this paint treatment. Happy Friday!

This fabulous...

vintage wallpaper is giving me LIFE!!! And soon, my clients' new bedroom wall will be giving them even more LIFE when it's hung!

Just SHUT THE FU&K YOU ALREADY!!!

Major Score!

Y'all know I can be quite obsessive when it comes to my 'collections'...one of most favorite is my vintage green, blue and gold Rosenthal Netter pottery. (Btw, does anyone happen to know the official name of this collection?) Then this biotch showed up on the scene and literally lit up my life! My favorite pottery. As a lamp. Well, shut the F$*K YOU!

Do good decorating, y'all...it DOES come back to you!!!

Free Shiot Friday!!!

Can someone please grab this free shiot off the street and change YOUR LIFE??:

This cabinet is screaming to get painted in a fun color and then serve yo ass in the kitchen as extra work surface/storage, the dining room as a server/buffet or in the living room as a media console/credenza/ or an entryway table...

Point is: pieces like these are workhorses. They're uber-functional and can look chic too, with some quick paint lovin'...and being free means you can't go wrong no matter what. Free workhorses...that's the kind of horse I like to ride!!! I mean. What a great way to start a weekend! Savor it, y'all!

Just another day at...

the office, y'all...

When your office just so happens to be in a major NYC nightclub! This holla hawt screen shot is the photo shoot of an office design project that I completed at end of June (being shot by the fab, Kelly Marshall!) Can y'all even handle all this shiot?!? Stay tuned for more gratuitous REVEALS!!!